bring on the new year
OMG its been actually a year since i last wrote sthg, and they werent even my own words. lame.. well its christmas and i am dutifully stuffed and out of sheer randomness came across my own blog on the internet and ended up reading all the posts from conception til present! actually, if i must say so myself, it was quite an entertaining read =P
and feeling inspired (and possibly due to immense boredom) i thought i should start writing again. even if no other human should read this thing, damnit i can perhaps at least entertain myself in a years time! ^^
so perhaps a recap of the year. hmm... well to sum up, i find myself having turned into a somewhat cynical and bitter woman, bordering on alcoholic and potentially even schizophrenic! haha a depressing turn of life indeed. well im sort of over the trough of depression now i think.. but what induced it.. i guess a lot of things, one being the realization that trying to do a phd is like being condemned to eternal misery in a deep deep shithole.. and theres no one gonna throw u a rope, love! well my housemate liz has always been depressed about phd and i think we kinda drove each other down with our mutual complaining. the lab does have an incredible talent for making u feel like a total dimwit who is useless at anything.. when u work all the hours u can before dropping dead and then the one little result at the end of the month does not want to co-operate but decides instead it will try u and taunt u and drive you to slow insanity.. well they say it all builds character and perseverence, but i swear it only brews anger and frustration in my book @_@
but i guess other bits of shitty stuff happened this year too.. at the beginning of the year i spent most of my time (and mental health, evidently) hunting for a flat to buy in brighton, cos my parents had the capital and thought it made financial sense for me to get a place of my own. but it was sooo intensely stressful and one estate agent put it very succinctly when he said that there's just something soul destroying about the whole process of house buying. well when even your agent is telling u that, there's not much hope is there?! eventually i found a flat that ticked as many boxes as possible for the tight budget i had, and dared to breathe a sigh of hallelujah.. hunted down the best mortgage deal, contracted a solicitor, paid for a survey.. and the whole process got stuck 3 months down the line cos the seller's solicitor was apparently sitting on the paperwork and not making any attempt to do their job. and then it turns out that, oh sorry love, but the seller seems to have changed her mind and decided she didn't fancy selling the flat anymore! do u think u could have made that decision 3 months earlier??? its not even all the money i wasted, but more the time and effort, whilst constantly on the phone to agents and making viewings and negotiating with financial advisors and arguing with leaseholders.. the phd was going down the toilet week by week and all for nothing it turns out! well screw this whole bloody saga. arrgh!!
and it seemed that everything i attempted to do this year cocked up.. simply cos.. its me?! like the international cafe that went just belly up since i took over, which wasnt all too encouraging. ive given that up now (along with my cheery outlook and zest for life, it seems!) and some relationships have been a source of frustration and hurt too.. which i guess is the worst.
sigh. but i guess it hasnt all been bad. ive been able to bag a few jammy trips through the lab this year, yeah! ^_^v well first there was the conference in cambridge, and i dont remember much (my book tells me it was the european fission yeast convention, apparently!) except the food in that place was GOO-OOD! and there was this hot guy sitting in front of me in the auditorium - i can probably tell u what shirt he was wearing every day but somehow the content of the talks escape me! oh and watching a nobel prize winner boogey to some dire jazz music was something to savour too =P then in march a few of us went to holland for a week to attend a DNA repair conference. actually some kind of amazing transformation sent from heaven above happened to me on that trip.. it actually made me excited (EXCITED!) about research science! what?!! haha i acquired a scientific hero and got inspired. ok so fair enough, the inspiration didnt last long once i got back to the reality of the dog turd that is my phd, but hey ho it was an experience while it lasted! oh and i also learnt from that trip that the big cheeses in research are all pervy old farts that go to conferences to smoke weed and get pissed and have some kind of competition going on to see who can bed the prettiest blonde in the course of the week! ok so i guess that is slightly embellished from what i actually observed with my own eye, but i tell ya, the gossip was rife and i believe it all! haha the drama. but all the nights of far too many drinks in the bar certainly made it more fun =D and then recently our entire lab plus entourage of family and friends went on a retreat to sardinia! it was sooo gorgeous, even in september it was dead warm and sunny and the beaches were divine! (except not for the poor guys that suffered the attack of the jellyfish.. but thats another story) i was a little disappointed with the food though, not as amazing as i remembered from mainland italy, but we did discover two new things to like - mirto and grappa! mirto is a strong spirit they drink as an after-dinner digestive (digestion - ha! what an excuse for blatantly just a pissup) that tastes a bit like sambuca and warms your throat and makes it all lovely! and grappa is.. well, 100% ethanol, from what i could tell! made from grapes they say?! yeah, whatever!
oh and i guess another good thing that happened this year was moving into our new flat. since my sale fell through, i didnt have enough time to find another one, as we were imminently kicked out of our old flat.. and by some stroke of good luck we found this flat to let right in the middle of town. its big and decent and all for a fair price too. and even though its not as spanking new and shiny as our old "showroom" flat, the location is so much better and the three of us are enjoying the spaciousness. at least i am. the place before was a bit claustrophobic, felt like we were living in some freakin big brother house at times where i couldnt do my own thing. well im feelin a bit more peace at home now which is a step in the right direction! also one of my housemates liz and i have started doing more stuff together.. since the world cup (OMG that was such a good few weeks) we now make football our regular, and i would like to think fairly respectable, excuse for going down the pub and drinking ourselves silly on pints and gawking at hot guys in shorts. yeah baby bring it on! oh and another new obsession i've developed over this year has been going to the gym (my housemates thinks i've gone totally gym-bonkers) and the Living TV channel. of particular note is America's Next Top Model - monday nights are like sacred family time in our house, no one is allowed to go out, we gather at 9 in front of the telly. we're totally obsessed!
so.. just one last story to end this oversized blog entry on a more laughable (or perhaps cryable) note.. last week liz and i went to her bf steve's office christmas party.. and it was actually pretty dire, we were totally overdressed, the place had not filled up the slightest yet, and there was some awful music going on with an equally awful elvis impersonator, but OMG then we discovered.. it was a free bar! FREE! O_O i dont know what happened exactly, but evidently some neuron in my brain got severed and i went a bit mental.. we were mixing drinks and doing shots like there was no tomorrow (i really did wish there wasnt) and the next thing i know im down on the floor incapable of talking or standing or performing any other function that a human being should. i never in my life have gotten that drunk before, ive puked and done embarassing things but never have had pretty much the whole night completely wiped from my memory. it was actually quite scary when i was told afterwards i had whole conversations that i swear i did not have. and for some unbeknown reason, steve decided (i believe he wasnt quite in sober judgement himself) the right thing to do was put me in a taxi home - ALONE! - and without the others knowing. so there i am, merrily sitting in the back of the cab, whilst liz and helen were still at the club holding my bag and coat wondering where the hell i was! needless to say, they were furious at steve when they realized. and when the cabbie reached my street, i have this vague recollection of trying desperately to tell him which number flat i lived at, but somehow i found saying the words fifty-six to be an impossibly challenging task, and i jus couldnt for the life of me get the words out! and well it didnt matter neway, cos i didnt have my keys or phone with me. i remember being really frightened - keyless, speechless, friendless and confused! so the dutiful cabbie decides not to throw me out but take me back to the club.. and merry me decides to repay the favour by puking up all over his car! it was actually utterly gross.. i remember i was still puking everywhere when we got back to the club.. and somehow i crawled my way to the poor steve (who must have thought all his nightmares had jus back to him all at once) but of course, by this time, liz and helen had already gotten themselves into a cab with my keys and phone to chase after me! so after a period of wonderin where the hell THEY were, and after some haggling by steve with the cab driver over the "sick" fine, steve eventually put me back in the cab, this time with himself in it and a big plastic bag in my lap, and SOMEHOW, oh praise the lord, i ended up at home, INSIDE and everything. the next morning when i woke up i thought i'd had the worst nightmare, but then to my horror i discovered i was still fully clothed from the night before complete with cuts and bruises from head to toe, and then it dawned on me! $_$ i felt so so soooo awful, full of shame.. i managed to alleviate some of the pain by baking chocolate brownies as a guilt offering for liz and steve and paying him back the *80 POUNDS* (!!!) he shelled out for the taxi the night before. NEVER again.
and feeling inspired (and possibly due to immense boredom) i thought i should start writing again. even if no other human should read this thing, damnit i can perhaps at least entertain myself in a years time! ^^
so perhaps a recap of the year. hmm... well to sum up, i find myself having turned into a somewhat cynical and bitter woman, bordering on alcoholic and potentially even schizophrenic! haha a depressing turn of life indeed. well im sort of over the trough of depression now i think.. but what induced it.. i guess a lot of things, one being the realization that trying to do a phd is like being condemned to eternal misery in a deep deep shithole.. and theres no one gonna throw u a rope, love! well my housemate liz has always been depressed about phd and i think we kinda drove each other down with our mutual complaining. the lab does have an incredible talent for making u feel like a total dimwit who is useless at anything.. when u work all the hours u can before dropping dead and then the one little result at the end of the month does not want to co-operate but decides instead it will try u and taunt u and drive you to slow insanity.. well they say it all builds character and perseverence, but i swear it only brews anger and frustration in my book @_@
but i guess other bits of shitty stuff happened this year too.. at the beginning of the year i spent most of my time (and mental health, evidently) hunting for a flat to buy in brighton, cos my parents had the capital and thought it made financial sense for me to get a place of my own. but it was sooo intensely stressful and one estate agent put it very succinctly when he said that there's just something soul destroying about the whole process of house buying. well when even your agent is telling u that, there's not much hope is there?! eventually i found a flat that ticked as many boxes as possible for the tight budget i had, and dared to breathe a sigh of hallelujah.. hunted down the best mortgage deal, contracted a solicitor, paid for a survey.. and the whole process got stuck 3 months down the line cos the seller's solicitor was apparently sitting on the paperwork and not making any attempt to do their job. and then it turns out that, oh sorry love, but the seller seems to have changed her mind and decided she didn't fancy selling the flat anymore! do u think u could have made that decision 3 months earlier??? its not even all the money i wasted, but more the time and effort, whilst constantly on the phone to agents and making viewings and negotiating with financial advisors and arguing with leaseholders.. the phd was going down the toilet week by week and all for nothing it turns out! well screw this whole bloody saga. arrgh!!
and it seemed that everything i attempted to do this year cocked up.. simply cos.. its me?! like the international cafe that went just belly up since i took over, which wasnt all too encouraging. ive given that up now (along with my cheery outlook and zest for life, it seems!) and some relationships have been a source of frustration and hurt too.. which i guess is the worst.
sigh. but i guess it hasnt all been bad. ive been able to bag a few jammy trips through the lab this year, yeah! ^_^v well first there was the conference in cambridge, and i dont remember much (my book tells me it was the european fission yeast convention, apparently!) except the food in that place was GOO-OOD! and there was this hot guy sitting in front of me in the auditorium - i can probably tell u what shirt he was wearing every day but somehow the content of the talks escape me! oh and watching a nobel prize winner boogey to some dire jazz music was something to savour too =P then in march a few of us went to holland for a week to attend a DNA repair conference. actually some kind of amazing transformation sent from heaven above happened to me on that trip.. it actually made me excited (EXCITED!) about research science! what?!! haha i acquired a scientific hero and got inspired. ok so fair enough, the inspiration didnt last long once i got back to the reality of the dog turd that is my phd, but hey ho it was an experience while it lasted! oh and i also learnt from that trip that the big cheeses in research are all pervy old farts that go to conferences to smoke weed and get pissed and have some kind of competition going on to see who can bed the prettiest blonde in the course of the week! ok so i guess that is slightly embellished from what i actually observed with my own eye, but i tell ya, the gossip was rife and i believe it all! haha the drama. but all the nights of far too many drinks in the bar certainly made it more fun =D and then recently our entire lab plus entourage of family and friends went on a retreat to sardinia! it was sooo gorgeous, even in september it was dead warm and sunny and the beaches were divine! (except not for the poor guys that suffered the attack of the jellyfish.. but thats another story) i was a little disappointed with the food though, not as amazing as i remembered from mainland italy, but we did discover two new things to like - mirto and grappa! mirto is a strong spirit they drink as an after-dinner digestive (digestion - ha! what an excuse for blatantly just a pissup) that tastes a bit like sambuca and warms your throat and makes it all lovely! and grappa is.. well, 100% ethanol, from what i could tell! made from grapes they say?! yeah, whatever!
oh and i guess another good thing that happened this year was moving into our new flat. since my sale fell through, i didnt have enough time to find another one, as we were imminently kicked out of our old flat.. and by some stroke of good luck we found this flat to let right in the middle of town. its big and decent and all for a fair price too. and even though its not as spanking new and shiny as our old "showroom" flat, the location is so much better and the three of us are enjoying the spaciousness. at least i am. the place before was a bit claustrophobic, felt like we were living in some freakin big brother house at times where i couldnt do my own thing. well im feelin a bit more peace at home now which is a step in the right direction! also one of my housemates liz and i have started doing more stuff together.. since the world cup (OMG that was such a good few weeks) we now make football our regular, and i would like to think fairly respectable, excuse for going down the pub and drinking ourselves silly on pints and gawking at hot guys in shorts. yeah baby bring it on! oh and another new obsession i've developed over this year has been going to the gym (my housemates thinks i've gone totally gym-bonkers) and the Living TV channel. of particular note is America's Next Top Model - monday nights are like sacred family time in our house, no one is allowed to go out, we gather at 9 in front of the telly. we're totally obsessed!
so.. just one last story to end this oversized blog entry on a more laughable (or perhaps cryable) note.. last week liz and i went to her bf steve's office christmas party.. and it was actually pretty dire, we were totally overdressed, the place had not filled up the slightest yet, and there was some awful music going on with an equally awful elvis impersonator, but OMG then we discovered.. it was a free bar! FREE! O_O i dont know what happened exactly, but evidently some neuron in my brain got severed and i went a bit mental.. we were mixing drinks and doing shots like there was no tomorrow (i really did wish there wasnt) and the next thing i know im down on the floor incapable of talking or standing or performing any other function that a human being should. i never in my life have gotten that drunk before, ive puked and done embarassing things but never have had pretty much the whole night completely wiped from my memory. it was actually quite scary when i was told afterwards i had whole conversations that i swear i did not have. and for some unbeknown reason, steve decided (i believe he wasnt quite in sober judgement himself) the right thing to do was put me in a taxi home - ALONE! - and without the others knowing. so there i am, merrily sitting in the back of the cab, whilst liz and helen were still at the club holding my bag and coat wondering where the hell i was! needless to say, they were furious at steve when they realized. and when the cabbie reached my street, i have this vague recollection of trying desperately to tell him which number flat i lived at, but somehow i found saying the words fifty-six to be an impossibly challenging task, and i jus couldnt for the life of me get the words out! and well it didnt matter neway, cos i didnt have my keys or phone with me. i remember being really frightened - keyless, speechless, friendless and confused! so the dutiful cabbie decides not to throw me out but take me back to the club.. and merry me decides to repay the favour by puking up all over his car! it was actually utterly gross.. i remember i was still puking everywhere when we got back to the club.. and somehow i crawled my way to the poor steve (who must have thought all his nightmares had jus back to him all at once) but of course, by this time, liz and helen had already gotten themselves into a cab with my keys and phone to chase after me! so after a period of wonderin where the hell THEY were, and after some haggling by steve with the cab driver over the "sick" fine, steve eventually put me back in the cab, this time with himself in it and a big plastic bag in my lap, and SOMEHOW, oh praise the lord, i ended up at home, INSIDE and everything. the next morning when i woke up i thought i'd had the worst nightmare, but then to my horror i discovered i was still fully clothed from the night before complete with cuts and bruises from head to toe, and then it dawned on me! $_$ i felt so so soooo awful, full of shame.. i managed to alleviate some of the pain by baking chocolate brownies as a guilt offering for liz and steve and paying him back the *80 POUNDS* (!!!) he shelled out for the taxi the night before. NEVER again.
posted by ellen @ 5:45 pm
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